Wooden toilet seat for sale - new, never used.

krappyrubsnif

I just spent three quarters of an hour lying on my back on a urine-stained bathroom floor trying to change a plastic toilet seat. I thought I would share this with the world. I cannot get the effing thing off. It is impossible to unscrew it. However, before I commission a plumber at £150 an hour to do a three-second job, it occurred to me there is probably a tool for this kind of thing that I should try, and perhaps I should ask this wonderful community first. The thing is bolted on from beneath with a wing-nut but it's attached to a very, very, very long screw thread (about two-three inches) which makes it impossible to get at the nut to unscrew it with an ordinary pair of pliers, any of the other tools in my toolbox, or even an adjustable plumber's wrench. Yes, I've tried fingers, WD-40 and praying but nothing works.. Any suggestions? Is there a specific tool I should be using, what is it called, and can I buy it anywhere locally? I appreciate many chaps regard this kind of thing as a challenge, but I regard DIY (and especially these long screws) as a conspiracy and this kind of thing a total waste of time. Thank you.

HolbornFox

Mould grips, and spray it with WD40 first.

Maximus

Lol, Krappy - I was in exactly your situation a year ago lying on a urine-stained bathroom trying to change my toilet seat and wondering how the hell to get those wing-nuts off. Turns out it's incredibly easy. You don't go from underneath - the trick is to loosen them from the top by pulling up/off the plastic or metal covers at the base of the toilet seat hinge.

gardener-joe

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krappyrubsnif

@Maximus, thanks for your kind advice. An update - I still cannot remove the blasted fixings, no matter how I try. I think they will have to be drilled off or sawn off, or perhaps it would just be simpler (and much more satisfying) to smash up the whole toilet bowl with a sledgehammer, and put a new one in. As usual, it's a conspiracy. And I have now washed the floor.

HolbornFox

Put the grips vertically down, or at a 90* angle from the toilet if that makes sense. or use these: http://www.screwfix.com/p/irwin-vise-grip-long-nose-locking-pliers-6/8164f I spent many a happy year face down in pish in my youth after doing a full apprenticeship, then it got a bit boring having knee ache so i did something else.

krappyrubsnif

Yes but I think the thread on the one bolt may be knackered - won't undo - and the fixing on the other side is broken anyway, so no leverage. Utterly unspeakable, basically. But I'll give it a go before the nuclear option - thanks.

HolbornFox

Hopefully you are gripping the thread lower down at the same time. You can use heat to loosen it as well, just don't set the toilet paper on fire

krappyrubsnif

I will burn down the entire toilet if necessary. My handyman friend Barry advises that the only answer is to buy a 'baby hacksaw' and saw the bloody thing apart, which takes hours, with inevitable bruised elbows, bleeding knuckles and dislocated wrist. Oddly enough he is not available to do the job. I could sell tickets I suppose.

HolbornFox

Yeah, erm don't do that. Dependant on how much you rate your knuckle to sanity ratio you could just invest in the best tool you didn't know existed... called a multi-tool, you'll need a metal blade. http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/361563929462

krappyrubsnif

I have now got the old toilet seat off with the help a very obliging neighbour, using brute force, total cost two bottles of beer. And guess what. I can't get the new toilet seat on. WHY ARE THESE THINGS SO FUCKING DIFFICULT? We can send a man to the Moon, but we can't design a toilet seat. I give up.

HolbornFox

http://pbs.twimg.com/media/BvkG2CQCQAAUbqs.jpg:large

krappyrubsnif

Still trying! Edit: completed, but I now have a toilet seat which does not stay open, so I will be throwing it away and installing another - £16.99 literally down the pan. I repeat, DIY is a conspiracy against the laity. End of rant. Goodnight. [Grumble grumble grumble Grumble grumble grumble Grumble grumble grumble Grumble grumble grumble. Bah!]

Ali

I will knock on the door later on it is probably all about positioning